When it comes to Valentine’s Day, you probably feel one of two ways: you either love it or hate it. (Let’s be honest — chances are, you probably hate it.) While it’s supposed to be a day for you to show your appreciation for your partner, it also comes with a lot of pressure, expectations, and more often than not, disappointment. Which can result in bad dates happening.
So if you think you’ve had a terrible Valentine’s Day, check out these 5 tales of having V-Day bad dates. If you’re single, take comfort in these tales of woe, because let’s face it: sometimes, having no date at all is better than the alternative.
A Different Kind of Waterworks
Forget roses, chocolate, and little red hearts which results in most of the bad dates. On Valentine’s Day, the most adventurous couples like to mix it up in bed. That’s exactly what this couple tried to do, but sadly, it did not go quite as planned.
“I promised my boyfriend I’d try anal with him for the first time on Valentine’s Day. We’ve never been a ‘traditional’ couple, so it seemed like the least romantic way to celebrate the holiday. Turns out, we didn’t really know what we were doing. We needed lube and didn’t have it, so he grabbed a nearby bottle of water and poured that on me. Water, by the way, is not lube. So I’m just sitting in a soggy puddle of cold sheets while we’re trying to get it to work until I finally told him to just give up. We cooked tacos after, so the night wasn’t a total loss.” — Stephanie, 30
We applaud couples who use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to raise the bar in bed. Still, sometimes the pressure of the holiday is just too much to deal with — especially when two women are begging you to have a threesome with them.
“My two friends, who are single women, asked me if I wanted to have a threesome on Valentine’s Day. I said, ‘Absolutely!’ But it was my first threesome and I was really nervous, so I got very, very drunk beforehand. I got to my friend’s apartment, and when it was just her and me I was totally fine. As soon as her friend showed up, my soldier went completely off duty. There were two girls naked on the bed literally saying, ‘David, have sex with us!’ And I just couldn’t get it up. They didn’t ask to reschedule.” — David, 35
Baby Daddy Blues
Facebook is great: it allows you to keep in touch with people in your life without, you know, actually having to talk to them. Except, of course, when Facebook tells you that the guy you’re dating stood you up on Valentine’s Day to take his ex-girlfriend to the hospital to deliver their child.
“A guy that had liked me for a long time finally left his girlfriend when she admitted she had been cheating on him for a while and the baby she was carrying may not be his. He asked me to be his Valentine that year. Two days before, we were hanging out like usual. The next day, I don’t hear anything from him, which I think is weird. Then Valentine’s Day comes and goes and he says nothing to me. I find out via Facebook that his ex-had gone into labour and he had been at the hospital with her the whole time. Turns out the kid was his and they tried to make it work but she cheated again. Now he has another kid from another horrible excuse for a woman. He has terrible taste in baby mamas.” — Kate, 27
A Dramatic Exit
Even if you have the best of intentions, it’s almost never a good idea to invite someone else to spend Valentine’s Day with you and your partner. Add alcohol into the mix, and you have a recipe for disaster. Which turn result in bad dates.
“I took my girlfriend to her favourite bar/restaurant for Valentine’s Day. It was going fine until her best friend showed up alone, so we invited her to sit with us. The two of them started getting really drunk and I was just trying to be a good guy and give them both attention since her friend was so sad being alone on Valentine’s Day. My girlfriend ended up accusing me of paying TOO much attention to her friend. She started crying and yelling at me at the bar and we ended up yelling in the street in front of a crowd of people. Good times.” — Ben, 22
Roses are Red, Pills Are White…
It’s not the greatest start to Valentine’s Day when your date keeps disappearing into the bathroom. And it’s definitely not the greatest end to Valentine’s Day when she’s taking pills in the bathroom and making out with someone else.
“I met this girl on Tinder right before Valentine’s Day. We had gone on two dates prior, so it seemed like a nice idea to invite her out to dinner for Valentine’s Day. To be fair, we didn’t really know each other that well. During dinner, she kept disappearing to the bathroom. One time, it took her a really, really long time to come back to the table. I had to pee and had been waiting, so I went up to go. It was a unisex bathroom. I opened one of the stalls to find her making out with another dude, a line of pills on the toilet paper holder. I turned around, walked out and left her with the bill.” — Joe, 38
*First names have been used to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.
By Megan Drillinger