Oral Sex: Avoid Committing These Common Mistakes

  • Mistake #1: Not Knowing A Woman's Anatomy
    1 / 6 Mistake #1: Not Knowing A Woman's Anatomy

    Let’s be honest — sometimes, it can take a long time to find a woman’s clit. That said, knowledge is power, and being familiar with the female anatomy will only aid your cause. Unfortunately, this is all too rare: according to Cosmopolitan’s Female Orgasm Survey, 50% of women said their partners couldn’t quite help them achieve orgasm, and 38% of women also said their partners didn’t give them enough clitoral stimulation for them to be close to orgasm in the first place.

    These numbers seem to suggest two things: 1) men can’t quite figure out where the clitoris is, and 2) they may not be trying to stimulate their partners’ clitorises at all.

    “There have been multiple times I have been with a man, and, for the life of him, he can’t find my clit,” said Allison, 29. “It’s not this huge mystery where it is, but for some guys it seems like they are just lost in my vagina.”

    So guys, just take a second and look! By looking first, you’ll be able to see the labia, the folds of skin around the vaginal opening, and, yes, the pea-sized bump directly above where the lips meet, a.k.a. the tip of the clitoris (the rest of it is actually inside!). While not every woman achieves orgasm from clitoral stimulation, many do (75 percent, according to one study), so getting to know your partner’s anatomy is crucial.

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  • Mistake #2: Not Rubbing The Clitoris The Right Way
    2 / 6 Mistake #2: Not Rubbing The Clitoris The Right Way

    Yes, it is possible for you to literally rub a woman the wrong way, so it’s up to you to figure out what works best for your partner. The clitoris is a very sensitive area, and when it’s stroked too hard, it can actually be incredibly painful.

    “One time a guy rubbed my clit with such vigour and rapidness, I was like, ‘Um, no thanks, that’s OK, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but that actually hurts. Please stop,'” said Katie, 35.

    It’s great to be excited, and it’s awesome that you want to get your partner excited too, but remember to be careful. To avoid irritating your partner, try to engage all sides of the clitoris — inside, outside, and side to side. Use a combination of both your hands and your mouth. By lightly flicking your tongue lightly around your partner’s clit, as well as inserting a few fingers in her vagina and moving them in a come hither motion at the same time, you can really get your partner going.

    Related: How To Touch Her Clitoris, According To 1,055 Women

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  • Mistake #3: Not Communicating
    3 / 6 Mistake #3: Not Communicating

    Sometimes, it takes a little bit of courage to speak up and tell your partner what is and isn’t working for you in bed. That’s why it’s so important to remember that communication is key, both inside and outside of the bedroom.

    It’s important to be up front about your needs and to feel comfortable enough with your partner to talk about what you do and don’t like in the bedroom. And it’s important to make sure your partner is feeling heard as well. “I hooked up with someone a while back, and over the course of him going down on me, he didn’t once ask me how it felt or if I was enjoying myself,” Jessica, 25, said. “The whole experience made me feel like he just didn’t really care.”

    A good way to avoid this? Checking in and asking, “Hey, how does this feel?” or “Is this working for you?” It lets your partner know that you care and that you want them to feel good — which makes sex more fun for everyone involved.

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  • Mistake #4: Assuming If You Go Down On A Woman, She'll Go Down On You
    4 / 6 Mistake #4: Assuming If You Go Down On A Woman, She'll Go Down On You

    Often, there is the assumption if you go down on someone, they will do the same to you. But the truth is, not everyone is up for returning the favour. People have a wide range of attitudes about specific sex acts, and for whatever reason, some women just don’t enjoy giving head, or they only like doing it in certain contexts (if they’re dating a man seriously, for instance). So don’t assume that if you go down on a woman, she’ll go down on you, because you might be disappointed.

    “I used to not even let guys go down on me at all,” Lindsey, 28, said. “I’d be intimate with a man, and they’d just lightly tongue around my clit for maximum of two minutes and then immediately pull their penis out…the fact that they expected [oral sex] after such a dismal performance was a huge turnoff.”

    Rushing through something that’s supposed to give your partner pleasure isn’t fun for anyone. If you take your time and focus on how your partner feels, they will be more inclined to treat you the same way.

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  • Mistake #5: Not Keeping An Open Mind
    5 / 6 Mistake #5: Not Keeping An Open Mind

    No two women are alike, so it’s important to understand that what one of your partners wants, another might hate. You should always try to meet your partner at her level: if she’s more adventurous than you and want to introduce a toy or a different position into the bedroom, give it a whirl.

    “I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to include a toy, or suggested being eaten out in a different position or even in different places, and the person I was with wasn’t into it,” says Emma, 33. “I think it’s important to be open minded and if my partner isn’t, I tend to lose interest quickly.”

    You should never do something that you’re uncomfortable with, but if you’re constantly shooting down your partner’s ideas and are generally resistant to trying new things, that will get old fast. Keep an open mind and listen when your partner tells you what she enjoys in bed. You never know if you like something until you try it.

    Related: WATCH: How To Have More Adventurous Sex With Your Partner

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  • Mistake #6: Falling Into A Boring Routine
    6 / 6 Mistake #6: Falling Into A Boring Routine

    Getting caught in a sexual rut isn’t fun for anyone. If the sex gets boring for you, odds are it will be boring for her, too. If you find yourself in this position, don’t get discouraged. Trying new things can make it more exciting for both you and your partner.

    “I had been dating a guy for a few weeks, and every time he went down on me it was the exact same thing: a few minutes of licking, a little hand action, then he would try and do both at the same time,” said Hannah, 41. “It was like he had an oral sex handbook, and it wasn’t working at all. He wasn’t open to criticism or being spontaneous. That killed the relationship pretty fast.”

    Changing up your sexual routine can be as simple as using a different hand motion, or licking and caressing around your partner’s thighs for an extended period of time. This creates buildup and anticipation on her end (which will hopefully lead to a bigger orgasm).

    By Anni Irish

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