Women often fantasise about steamy encounters. But acting on these fantasies – that’s a different thing altogether. Says US-based David Shade, creator of the Masterful Lover programme: “Most women keep their true sexual nature locked up. All the while she’s dreaming of meeting a man who can lead her in the bedroom so she can surrender and let go.”
And that’s really all there is to it – taking the lead. “Most men, having been culturally trained to be ‘nice’ to women, can’t get past their own social conditioning to be enough of a ‘bad boy’ in the bedroom to get her to let her ‘inner slut’ out,” says Shade. This is a process that needs to be slow and gentle. Stay the course to reap the dividends.
Don’t judge her fantasy confession
There’s no way she’ll talk about (or do) anything kinky if she thinks you’ll laugh/freak/judge. Tackle the topic in a private setting. Cradle her in your arms and tell her you’d really like to give her pleasure.
Then ask if there’s anything she’d like to do which you haven’t tried yet. Whatever her answer, do not 1. snort, 2. guffaw or 3. choke. If she tells you she’d like you to parade in a crotchless elephant costume (though this is unlikely), suck it up. It’ll be worth it.
Order her around
Most women thrill at the idea of being physically dominated by a man. A helpless (but secretly willing) maiden being ravished by a strapping male is the stuff of all romance novels women secretly read.
Translate this into real life by giving her orders. Use simple ones like “lie down” or “take your top off… slowly”. Your tone has to be sexy and gentle, but firm. You’ll be surprised how your domineering woman suddenly melts into a willing kitten.
Tie her up
This is one of the most common female fantasies. Says Alex Allman, author of Revolutionary Sex: How To Give A Woman The Mind-Blowing Sexual Experience She’s Always Dreamed Of: “When a man is more dominant in the sexual interaction, it reinforces his male sex role. And for a woman, this tends to bring out powerful feminine sexual instincts and pleasures.”
Ease into it by holding her wrists down during sex. Let her struggle but don’t let her escape. (Be sure to tell her afterwards how hot it was.) This positive reinforcement will likely make her feel more trusting towards you and more willing to get wilder next time.
Take note, though, that consent is key. Both of you can agree on a certain word to signal if one partner wants the game to stop. If she says it while you’re pinning her down, stop immediately.
Forget the crowded restaurants
Women love being whisked off to secluded romantic spots. Pack a gourmet picnic basket and take her on a moonlit date on a deserted beach or go bird-watching in the wild.
Be sure to bring insect repellent and a blanket. Her mind won’t be on sex if there are a zillion stinging bites all over her or if she’s worried someone might chance upon the both of you in the throes of passion.
If you have the dosh, take her away for the weekend to a luxury resort with villas that come with their own private pool, jacuzzi and al fresco shower.