Every relationship has its important milestones: the first kiss; the first time you spend the night together; the first time you say “I love you.” But if you ask me, no achievement is quite as significant as reaching the point when you finally feel comfortable farting in front of your partner.
We’ve all been there in the early stages of a relationship: desperate to pass gas — positively bursting at the seams! — but determined to maintain the illusion that we’ve never done something as lowly and foul as farting. Eventually, you muster the confidence to drop the charade, and boom! You and your partner reach a whole new level of intimacy.
Guys wait 6.5 months on average to fart in front of their partners, according to a survey of around 1,000 adults conducted by Seniorliving.org. Women tend to take longer, waiting 1.3 years.
You may be embarrassed to fart, but guess what? There’s apparently a possibility that your partner will find it hot — albeit a small one. According to the survey, 11 percent of men and 3 percent of women find it attractive when their partner farts. Meanwhile, 28 percent of guys say they’ve had a negative experience after farting while in bed with someone, so use your judgement before you let one rip.
Here are some of the most common ways that guys attempt to masquerade their farts:
- hold it in (75 percent have done it)
- go to another room for privacy (58 percent)
- go outside (54 percent)
- make noise to hind the sound (25 percent)
Ah, the ol’ replicate-the-fart-sound-with-your-mouth trick — a classic!
Pooping around your partner is another stress-inducing topic. Guys wait 4.5 months on average before pooping at their partner’s place, according to the survey, compared to 9.4 months for women.
We get it, guys: Farting and pooping aren’t exactly the first things you want to do around your new mate — unless they’re into that kind of thing, that is (see above stats). But the truth is, farts and poop are natural, and holding them in can be bad for your health.
The survey really puts it best: “Even though people will sometimes go to great lengths to avoid making an embarrassing sound or smell in front of someone they love, there’s no escaping a simple reality: Everyone farts, and everyone poops.”
Go forth and do your business.
By Jordyn Taylor