What infuriates women? I’m not talking about the stuff that’s been explained to death on Mars and Venus – issues like a man’s irrational over-possessiveness, his taking his wife for granted, his wandering eye or, worse, his ‘nomadick’. There are certain things that you guys do that make us want to scream… right into your ears. Like…
When You Won’t Admit You’re Wrong
“I’ve already apologised. Why can’t you just let the matter go?” you ask. Because you’re not really sorry, and a woman can tell. And it all started with your very un-sorry non-apology. Forget what that relationships ‘expert’ advocated about the diplomatic, “I’m sorry that you’re angry”, which is very different from “I’m sorry that I’ve made you angry” – though any astute woman would recognise that neither express remorse for the actual wrongdoing. You’re really saying that you’re sorry you got caught. When a woman is pissed off with you, don’t tell her to stay calm, be reasonable, or to not overreact.
And never ever suggest that it’s our PMS acting up. We have as much right to our anger as the next guy, and self-righteousness and condescension is further aggravation. And if you’re at fault, just admit it with a plain and simple “I was wrong” (no “buts” should follow the apology, or you’re not really sorry). It’s doubly unforgivable to say, “I’m sorry you took it that way” – oh yes, we can see how you’re trying to defl ect your role in this blow-up off your leaden conscience and ricochet the blame back to us, saying we’ve just succeeded in upsetting ourselves. If you think we were upset then, wait till you see us now!
When You Won’t Help Us Out
When we signed up to be your girlfriend/wife, we didn’t think we’d have to play surrogate mother/domestic help? It isn’t so hard to not chuck your wet towel on the floor/stop playing FIFA on PS2 for 30 minutes to have a conversation with us/ stop snacking in bed. We don’t like having to tell you these things any more than you like hearing them. We’re not talking about forcing you to change your religion or your political allegiance or join our yoga class. Most of it is just asking you to pick up after yourself or to give up an unhealthy habit. Women being women, we’ll try to change what we can in a man before we resign ourselves to living with him, annoying traits and all.
And we’re not stupid. We know that constant nagging at you will soon make you tune out, and eventually even the important stuff stops registering. Just do us a favour and stop, listen, and actually think about why we’re asking you to do something. Just once in a while. Even if you do something half the time without us having to nag you, we’ll be so touched by the miraculous change in you that it’s easier for us to overlook the times when you don’t. Women are silly that way.
When You Won’t Admit There’s A Problem With The Relationship
Fact: Women are generally more introspective, emotionally attuned and also more verbal than men. So, chances are your girlfriend has already analysed your relationship every which way in her head and tried to apply every theory in the self-help pages of women’s magazines to her situation. She’s definitely confided in her best friends and, collectively, they’ve been regurgitating the cause of your relationship problems for the past six months. Bringing up couple therapy is a red flag. She’s at the end of her rope. If you give her the brush-off, it will only be taken one way: You don’t care enough about this relationship to want to try to make it work. That her frustrations and problems are not valid, and you don’t really care that she feels that way. That the problem is entirely hers.
She’ll be hurt – and mad. If she’s smart, she’ll dump your apathetic ass. At this point, it really doesn’t matter where, why and how your relationship has gone wrong, or whether there’s even a problem. If you want to save the relationship, just agree – and be prepared to go through with it.
When You Make Us Feel Like When Going Solo
Men do this to women in several ways:
1. Being distant. We know that sometimes you don’t feel like talking (to us) about what you’ve been preoccupied with (for the past two weeks or so). While we want to give you your space, we also want to be there for you and share your burdens, and that’s why we probe and prod annoyingly, sometimes out of frustration at being cut off inexplicably. Please don’t erupt at us, because then we’ll start to really believe that you’re all pensive because of something we did, something we didn’t do, or that you’re not just into us.
(Related: Conversation Topics To Solve Awkward Silence At The Dinner Table.)
2. Making it seem like a big favour to us when you agree to do something together, like go shopping for Christmas gifts for your family, sit down and plan our wedding, or discuss how we should renovate our apartment.
3. Declaring, “If it is, it’s not mine,” when we say we’re late. It’s just late, not a thin blue line, so don’t shoot your mouth off the way you shoot – carelessly. Do you really have more faith in your technique than in us? This is where we’d say, f*** you, but it’d just be too satiric.
