You’ve seen it for yourself before. That friend of yours and his perfect girlfriend, always lovey-dovey and never angry, and you think to yourself, are they this happy all the time? Do they ever fight? Compared to your own relationship with little squabbles happening ever so often, you wonder who is truly happier.
The good news is someone has decided to answer this question. The Guardian reveals that couples who fight actually are happier than those that don’t. A recent survey asked about 1,000 people about their arguing frequency, and those who decided to bottle up their feelings instead of fighting it out with each other end up unhappier.
“[T]he biggest mistake that couples make is avoidance,” he said. “We feel something but say nothing. At least until we can’t stand it anymore. So we wait until we are certain to discuss it poorly before we bring it up,” Grenny says.
“We tend to avoid these conversations because we are conscious of the risks of speaking up, but unconscious of the risks of not speaking up,” he said. “We tend to only weigh the immediate and obvious risks without considering the longer term costs to intimacy, trust and connection.”
Couples who responded to this survey said that the lack of proper communication contributed to a breakdown in past relationships. Instead of talking or arguing with each other to clear the air, they chose to not say anything as they usually believe they’re not at fault.
“The success of a relationship is determined by the way in which sensitive issues are debated,” Grenny said. “True love takes work. Real intimacy is not just about love but is also about truth. And crucial conversations are the vehicle for surfacing truth in a way that accelerates a feeling of intimacy, trust and connection.”
So remember, if you’re actually arguing with your other half, it may actually mean you’re happier than the guys who are smiling all the time, but don’t dare to say anything.
By Gilbert Wong, Men’s Health Content Producer