Over the years, we’ve surveyed tens of thousands of women about their wants, needs, desires, and wishes — in bed and out. And they’ve eagerly answered our questions. All of them. At length. In that same time, we’ve also talked to sex researchers, therapists, surrogates, and aficionados. So we’re confident when we tell you that if you want a better sex life, this list is required reading.
1. Say the Hottest Word
The hottest word you can say to a woman in bed? “You.” Say it often. It’s the difference between “that feels wonderful” and “you make me feel wonderful.”
2. Increase Contact
In the doggy-style position, you can increase clitoral contact by having her lift her butt up or spread out your legs to move down so you can touch the supersensitive vaginal wall. Then reach around to play with her clitoris using your fingers. (Use a small vibrator for extra intensity.)
3. Explore New Areas
Explore new regions. The base of her spine is Sensation Central. Gently stroke and kiss her belly just above the pubic hairline. Sex becomes about discovery, not a destination.
4. Add A Little Danger
Go canoeing or hiking to spice up your sex life. The point is to add a distinct but manageable touch of danger to the day. It will stimulate dopamine in her brain, which can trigger her sex drive.
5. Cool Her Off With Peppermint
Get naked! Pour peppermint schnapps in her belly button. Sip it. Then kiss her breasts and blow on the spots you kissed. The peppermint schnapps and air will cause a cool sensation and heighten arousal.
6. Reference A Magazine
Want to try something new in bed? Reference something sexy you saw in a magazine (or in a list of 37 Best Sex Tips). That way, you can ask your partner, “Did you ever think of doing that?” without pointedly saying, “This is what I want.”
7. Avoid Her Turnoffs
New research on female arousal says avoiding her turnoffs is just as important as hitting her hot spots.
8. Seduce Her with Numbers
Seduction by the numbers. Buy a half-inch camel-hair paintbrush at the art-supply store, dip it in chocolate sauce, and have her paint numbers on her body. Find your way in order by using your fingertips and mouth.
9. Don’t Ditch Friends And Family
Stay connected to those who know you best. You’re more than twice as likely to meet a potential girlfriend through a friend or family member than in a bar, at the gym, or on the street.
10. Keep Doing What You’re Doing
Unlike a man, a woman can lose an orgasm even as it’s happening — any sort of change can ruin the moment. So when it happens, keep doing exactly what you’re doing.
11. Master the Stop-Start Technique
A tried-and-true method of lasting longer in bed: The stop-start technique. Pay attention to when you’re approaching your point of no return, and then pause the action for a while to calm yourself back down. That doesn’t mean flip on the TV — instead, lavish attention on her for a few minutes, to bring her closer to your point of arousal.
12. Request a Steamy Movie
Add a steamy, woman-friendly film to your Netflix queue — In the Cut, The Thomas Crown Affair (the 1999 version), or our favorite, A History of Violence — and use the sex scene as a conversation catalyst.
13. Get Immediate Feedback
To receive immediate feedback during oral sex, place your middle finger on her perineum, the quarter-size spot just below her vagina. When you’re working the right place, the perineum will involuntarily contract.
14. Find Her A-Spot
Some sex researchers believe there’s something called an A-Spot, which is further up inside the vagina from the G-Spot, and might facilitate female ejaculation. How to reach it: Place both index and middle fingers inside her, and stick out your thumb as if you’re hitchhiking. It’ll pull your fingers more snugly against her vaginal walls, stimulating both the A-spot and G-spot simultaneously. Then use your thumb to also stimulate her clitoris, and gently twist your hand.
15. Go Slower For A Faster Response
If your girlfriend takes a long time to reach orgasm during oral sex, don’t go faster — it won’t help her reach orgasm any more quickly. Instead, slow down. The gentler, slower, and more consistent you are, the quicker she’ll arrive.
16. Turn Her On with Breakfast
The first few times a woman sleeps over, you owe her breakfast. “When you cook for somebody, it says, ‘You’re worth my time,’ and that’s the biggest turn-on of all,” says Martha Hopkins, author of Intercourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook.
17. See How Intensely She Kisses Back
A make-out session is a prerequisite to a sexual proposition. Pay attention to how intensely she’s kissing back. You want the “I want to eat you alive, starting with your head” kind of kiss, not the sweet little “I’m not really a dirty girl” kind.
18. Hug Her From Behind
She loves it when you hug her from behind and whisper in her ear.
19. Use Your Pillows
Increase clitoral contact in the missionary position by placing two or three pillows under her butt to lift it off the bed at an angle. You’ll rub against her more when thrusting.
20. Boost Her Confidence
Compliment what she feels good about and cares about — her hair, shoes, singing voice, work triumphs, and so on. A confident sex partner is an adventurous sex partner.
21. Enjoy Her Lingerie
Few guys know how much a woman loves to be stroked with her bra and panties still on, so don’t rush to get her naked.
22. Look In The Mirror
Visualisation helps women warm up. Bring her body to life by seducing her in front of a full-length mirror, and then stroke her shoulders, arms, and hips as you describe what you like about each part.
23. Don’t Ask Complicated Questions
During sex, never ask “What do you like?” To climax, a woman has to let go. Asking complicated questions can inhibit the progress.
24. Heighten Her Arousal With Smell
Spray a touch of the cologne that she loves on the sheets. A study by Indiana University found that women who fantasized while smelling a popular men’s cologne were more aroused than while smelling women’s cologne or a neutral odour.
25. Focus On The Details
Words she loves to hear: “That freckle is beautiful.” Focus on unique details about her, and she’ll know you haven’t said the same thing to 47 other women.
26. Go To A Music Festival
Attend music festivals. “The rhythmic pulse of music lets listeners synchronize with one another, which can increase group cohesion,” says Michael Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist and professor of communication. Music festivals attract a more diverse crowd than concerts, because of the different acts. Visit festivalfinder.com for events near you.
27. Get Rid of Your Bedroom TV
Throw the TV out of the bedroom. It sucks up time and takes focus away from what the room is for.
28. Clean Without Her Asking
Do some impromptu cleaning, without her asking. Seduction is a day-long event, and the less she has to worry about, the more she can relax and have a good time.
29. Look for Nonverbal Cues
During foreplay, watch and listen for nonverbal clues — moans, thrusts, gasps. The better you’re able to read her, the more likely you are to please her.
30. Keep Your Room Warm
Egyptian cotton and dimmer switches can’t hurt, but your love chamber’s thermostat is just as important. Imagine the ideal day at the beach. You want it just warm enough that she’s happy to shed a layer or two, but not so hot that the two of you will end up drenched once you exert yourselves.
31. Harder and Faster isn’t Always Better
Harder and faster isn’t always better. In the missionary position, barely penetrate her vagina or focus on shallow thrusts. Sometimes, let your penis rest just inside her. And occasionally remember to use it outside her vagina.
32. Make Her Feel Sexy After Sex
Tell her she’s beautiful after sex. Women feel disheveled: messy hair, makeup smudged, clothes asunder. Make her feel sexy afterward, and you’re laying the groundwork for a repeat performance.
33. Rest Your Hand on Her Knee
When you’re sitting next to your girlfriend or wife in the car, touch her nonsexually. Rest your hand a few inches above her knee. It’s intimate, but not obviously sexual, so she won’t think you’re just looking for action at the end of (or during) the ride.
34. Keep Tongue Action to a Minimum
When kissing, a little tongue action is good, but don’t go crazy. Guys are notorious for tonsil spelunking, so stay in the front of her mouth.
35. Bring Her Close to Climax Before Sex
Use your hands to bring her close to climax before penetration, which will make an orgasm during intercourse much more likely. Here’s a new way to use your hands: Prop yourself up with pillows and have her sit so that she’s facing away from you and leaning back against your chest. Reach around and use your fingertips or the flat of your hand along and between her legs in up-and-down, side-to-side, and figure-8 moves.
36. Talk About Your Favourite Moment
After sex, rather than offering an offhand platitude, mention something specific you love about her. Better yet, talk about a mind-blowing moment to let her know it was worth remembering.
37. Make A Sex Reservation
Make a reservation for sex. Tell her what you’re going to do after you carry her over the threshold of the new house, or detail your intentions for the outdoor shower after your day at the beach. It’ll plant some passion-packed seeds for later.
By: The Editors of Men’s Health