1. Text Dirty
We’re not talking about 50 shades of anything here – just good ol’ sexting. Here’s how to make your words work as effectively as E.L. James’. Text her about the last time she initiated sex, suggests a study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. Remind her what she did, what she was wearing, how she smelled – and how much you enjoyed it. The study found that approving of her advances this way increases the chances of a repeat performance the next time you see her.
2. Shower her with a surprise
That would be post-shower. And when she least expects it. “If sex has been a bit routine lately, grab her when she’s coming out of the shower. Pin her to the wall and kiss her like you can’t contain yourself. A surprise quickie always leaves a girl wanting more,” says Playboy TV director Katie K. For bonus points, the warm water will have made her skin more sensitive, too.
3. Make porn, not war
And you wouldn’t even have to film it and risk an Edison-gate. Kiss her neck while she’s standing in front of a mirror, and undress her slowly. Research from McGill University in Canada found that women respond to sexual imagery in the exact way men do. Well, not literally. But watching herself will turn her on even more. And this is good news for you and all you shaky-handed videographers out there.
4. Play sexy music
Put on tracks with explicit lyrics. (Note: S&M by Rihanna works better than Discovery Channel by Bloodhound Gang.) Research published by the American Psychological Association found that such music makes her more attuned to your sex appeal.
5. Smell like your first night together
If mating has become predictable, spray your bed sheets with the first aftershave you wore when you first started dating, to subconsciously remind her of your early hedonism. Research in the journal Cognition and Emotion found that smells trigger more vivid and evocative memories – ones she’ll be eager to recreate.
6. Ask if she’s enjoying it
But just ask once. “Any more and you sound insecure,” says psychologist Dr Massimo Stocchi. Bumbling and fumbling only works if you look like Hugh Grant. And in 1999.
7. Use your tongue the right way
Use the underside of your tongue during oral sex. It’s more stimulating, says Emily Dubberley, founder of women’s sex site.
8. Strategise your thrusting
You don’t have to dance, but there’s a Rule of 10 that will help you time your thrusts for maximum pleasure. Because the first 2cm of her vagina are the most sensitive, give them your full attention with nine shallow thrusts, followed by one deep one, says sex coach Uta Demontis.
9. Fulfil her dreams
If she’s dreaming about sex, there’s a good chance she’ll wake up next to you and try to make those dreams come true. So, make her dream. A study in the journal Dreaming found that people who sleep on their stomachs, with their arms above their heads, are more likely to have sexual dreams. We’re surprised no one’s made a porn version of Inception yet.
10. Use the correct position
On average, men thrust for about three to seven minutes before it’s game over. However, research shows this isn’t enough time to arouse most women. Stretch out your performance with clever positioning: “Thrust towards her G-spot,” says Dr Stocchi. “Press your body down, not towards her. The motion squeezes your urethra, which helps to delay ejaculation.” That’s a perfect position if we ever saw one.
11. Help her orgasm
Unlike men, women can lose an orgasm even as it’s happening. When it starts, keep doing exactly what you’re doing. The one exception to the don’t-move rule is when she moves during oral sex. “In this case, she’s adjusting her body to where your touch feels most explosive,” says Demontis. Let her be your guide and you can’t go wrong.
12. Add more variety
Research by Indiana University in the US found that mixing four or five different sex acts into one session dramatically increases her chance of orgasm. Start with dirty talk, then stimulate her orally and manually. Have one position that involves full eye contact and another with clitoral stimulation. In the missionary position, bring her legs together after you’ve entered her, to increase friction.