#LIFEHACKS

11 Things You Wished You Could Say During Chinese New Year

  • They Have It On Repeat
    1 / 10 They Have It On Repeat

    “If you don’t turn that damn song off, I’ll never shop in this supermarket again.”

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  • Justifying Your Actions
    2 / 10 Justifying Your Actions

    “Yes, the hong baos are small. Your kids are whiny brats and pick their noses at the dinner table.”

    Photo: Craig – Own work, Public Domain

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  • It's Been Done To Death
    3 / 10 It's Been Done To Death

    “If I see one more slapstick movie involving national servicemen, I will kill someone in the cinema.”

    Related: Ah Boys To Men Actor Maxi Lim Lost 11kg To Shed ‘Nerdy’ Image

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  • You're Not Helping
    4 / 10 You're Not Helping

    “No, I’m still single, Auntie, but let’s face it, your annual, kaypoh interrogation is not really an advert for marriage, is it?”

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  • How To Not Get An Ang Bao 101
    5 / 10 How To Not Get An Ang Bao 101

    “Yes, Auntie, I have put on a lot of weight since last year. But I can lose it. You’re stuck with those wrinkles.”

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  • They're All Fruits, Right?
    6 / 10 They're All Fruits, Right?

    “The oranges were too expensive. Have a couple of watermelons instead.”

    Related: How To Store Mandarin Oranges

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  • Seriously, It's Getting Old
    7 / 10 Seriously, It's Getting Old

    “Say, do you think we could watch something other than another sentimental Jack Neo movie that subconsciously promotes racial hegemony, panders to the lowest common denominator and is often mildly offensive to other races?”

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  • Leading By Example
    8 / 10 Leading By Example

    “Unlike many other cultural festivals, Chinese New Year is unhealthily obsessed with financial gain and gambling. Now, gimme my hong bao and let’s play poker.”

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  • Must We Really Bring Up These Common Topics
    9 / 10 Must We Really Bring Up These Common Topics

    “To get drunk faster, we’re gonna play a Reunion Dinner drinking game. Every time someone mentions my weight, marital status or crappy salary, I’m gonna take a shot. And I’m downing the entire bottle if someone mentions their kids’ exam results.”

    Related: The Men’s Health Guide To Burning Off The CNY Excess

    Photo: Alpha – CC BY-SA 2.0

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  • Booking The First Flight Out Of Here
    10 / 10 Booking The First Flight Out Of Here

    “Screw the house visits. We’re going to Tahiti!”

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