Even experienced men make rookie mistakes when they go to bed with a new woman for the first time. And she’s taking mental notes. “First-time sex gives her a sense of your generosity and how much you care about her,” says sex therapist Sandor Gardos, PhD. As most women consider first-time sex an indicator of a relationship’s potential, here’s how to finesse your first.
1. PUT IN THE TIME
The three-date rule is not reliable as most women sleep with a man only after eight or more dates. She’ll drop hints when she’s ready. Your green light: When she creates total privacy for the two of you, says Darcy Luadzers, PhD, sex therapist and author of The Ten Minute Sexual Solution. Has she invited you over for dinner and mentioned that her family is out of town? Take the hint.
2. PAY LIP SERVICE
Lots of kissing reassures her that you’re not simply out for sex, says Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, author of Touch Me There! Only one in seven women would consider sleeping with you without a make-out session first, reveals a study in Evolutionary Psychology. And two-thirds of women have ended a relationship based on the first kiss, possibly because the man was a sloppy kisser. Trace her lips with your tongue and alternate soft kisses with gentle sucking on her lips.
3. DESCEND SLOWLY
Spend at least 15 minutes kissing and caressing her before moving below. Many women take about eight minutes to become aroused before they want clitoral stimulation, “so double that and you should have her at the brink,” says Luadzers. Trace your hand along the outside of her hips, slowly working your way between her legs.
4. USE YOUR HEAD
If you’re receiving encouragement, kiss your way down. Studies show that more than half of women want you to spend at least 15 minutes south of the border. Using your tongue, make your first full stroke from her perineum to her inner labia, and then barely touch her clitoris. Stop. Let her breathe while you kiss her inner thighs. Repeat.
5. ACE THE MAIN EVENT
Keep your Kama Sutra on the shelf: More than 60 per cent of women want to keep the positioning fairly tame at first. Have her lie back with her knees slightly bent, and place pillows under her hips, torso and head. That will allow you to kneel between her legs and enter her as you simultaneously stroke her clitoris with your hand, says Patti Taylor, PhD, host of the podcast Expanded Lovemaking. Your post-coital plan should include a cuddle and a phone call the next day – preferably after work when she’s relaxed.