MYTH 1: LOVE MEANS YOU’RE SMITTEN
We all want to believe that our hearts will go boom when she crosses the room, and that we’ll know for sure she’s the one. But that happens way more often to college kids than to grown men with some mileage on them. In fact, the more self-reliant you are, the less likely you are to go all wobbly the instant she wanders into the frame. Don’t forget, Romeo was a teenager when Juliet drove him insane.
The absence of besotted feelings may say nothing about your girlfriend’s shortcomings as a love object and much about your maturity. Sure, lightning-bolt love happens now and then, but don’t wait around for it. Because first, it’s no guarantee of anything. And second, lots of women who don’t leave you breathless at the outset can inspire you plenty a few years in. That head-over-heels stuff is for kids. A man wants a partner, not someone to make him whole.
MYTH 2: MARRIAGE IS SURRENDER
Some see that chapel service as more of a gelding than a wedding. When a man marries, the thinking goes, he surrenders his stallion prerogatives and agrees to be well behaved and monogamous. Now of course, there is some sense in this line of thinking. After all, studies show that a surprising number of wives don’t like it when their husbands have sex with other women.
Keep this in mind: The belief that monogamy “diminishes” a man derives from a narrow-minded, sexual idea of manliness. Yes, not being monogamous is our favourite idea of manliness, and yes, it’s certainly the most fun idea of manliness. But it’s just one version. Once you become a husband, all kinds of other Y-chromosome opportunities to excel present themselves. A husband is a caretaker, a plumber, a subduer of intruders and with some luck, a father. And all of those roles call forth masculine energies that invite a man towards the fullness of everything he might become. Not buying it? Okay, how about this: Husbands actually have more sex than single guys.
Study after study shows that, on average, married guys get it more often than their unattached buddies. Granted, the sex is all with the same woman, and those studies say nothing about the actual quality of the sex. But hey, more is more, and the heat in the huddle is really up to the two of you, isn’t it?
Sure, there are a few truly blessed single men who have it all – men who have a lot of sex with a lot of different women. But honestly, my friend, do you think you’re one of them? Really? And even if you are, will you still be one of them in 10 or 20 years? If optimum sex is truly the goal, the smart money is on marriage.