SEX & WOMEN

15 Couples Share How They Keep Their Sex Lives Hot

  • COME ON BABY LIGHT MY FIRE
    1 / 16 COME ON BABY LIGHT MY FIRE

    When you first got together, sex might have been hot, heavy, and frequent. But after being married for a while? Probably not so much.

    It’s a clichéd truth that sex tends to happen less often and become more vanilla the longer you’re together. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Meet 15 people who’ve been married for decades, yet still feel as excited about their time between the sheets as they did on their honeymoons.

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  • 1. ASK SEXY QUESTIONS
    2 / 16 1. ASK SEXY QUESTIONS

    “I’ve been with my husband since we were 16. We are each other’s first for everything, and we’re still happily married. To spice things up, we often ask each other ‘sexy questions.’ We’ll ask each other how we feel about types of lingerie, whether we’d like to have sex outside the bedroom, etc. The list feels endless. Long relationships can easily get boring, but asking provocative questions keeps things fun.” — BSM Stoneking, Cedar Rapids, IA, married for 20 years

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  • 2. FIND THE FUN
    3 / 16 2. FIND THE FUN

    “One of the keys to keeping our sex life alive is experimentation. When we introduced sex toys, it made a huge difference. It made sex fun again. We mix it up and push the boundaries of our comfort zones.” — Cindee Bartholomew, Dothan, AL, married for 36 years 

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  • 3.  BE FRIENDS ABOVE ELSE
    4 / 16 3. BE FRIENDS ABOVE ELSE

    “The secret to why my wife and I are still intimate: We still like each other and we’re still each other’s best friend. That gets us through the times when we don’t particularly feel like ‘loving’ each other. As my wife says, ‘Loving is a choice not a feeling.’ Because of everything we have been through together, good times and bad, we know that we’ll always be there for each other. That bond that makes intimacy a special gift that we will only share with each other—and that is wildly exciting.” — Gary Nosacek, Milwaukee, WI, married for 38 years

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  • 4. REMEMBER THAT TINY GESTURES HAVE A BIG IMPACT.
    5 / 16 4. REMEMBER THAT TINY GESTURES HAVE A BIG IMPACT.

    “To keep our love alive, I leave clues or trinkets. One time I left casino chips that we collected on our honeymoon on our vanity, which hinted that we were going to Vegas for a weekend getaway. Meanwhile, my husband knows that I love butterflies; if I’m feeling down or stressed, he’ll catch one for me.‘’ — Noelle Rose Andressen, Los Angeles, married for 27 years

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  • 5. START FOREPLAY OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM.
    6 / 16 5. START FOREPLAY OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM.

    “The fact that we’re always willing to change things up has kept our sex life spicy. From starting foreplay early in the day by hinting about what might happen later to introducing new toys, we’re willing to do what it takes to keep things exciting. And let’s not forget laughter. If you are laughing during sex, you’ll have no problem keeping the spark alive.” — Alex Martinez, Corinth, TX, married for 22 years

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  • 6. REMEMBER WHY YOU FEEL FOR EACH OTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE.
    7 / 16 6. REMEMBER WHY YOU FEEL FOR EACH OTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

    “I think the key to keeping sex alive is to remember why you fell in love in the first place. It’s easy to get caught up in the monotony of everyday life, and intimacy can take a backseat to work and life obligations. But if you remember what first attracted you to each other, it goes a long way toward keeping things spicy.” — Julie Bane, Richfield, MN, married for 20 years

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  • 7. TALK IT OUT.
    8 / 16 7. TALK IT OUT.

    “Our sex life is now much more intimate than it used to be. What got us there: Taking a ‘marriage appraisal’ that I originally developed for my clients. (I’m a life coach.) We asked each other to rate our level of satisfaction, talked about what we would like to do, and learned about what pleases the other person. The more you grow in your relationship, the more it becomes important to be in tune with your spouse’s needs and get creative with ways to fulfill their desires.” — Shannon Battle, Fayetteville, NC, married for 23 years

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  • 8. REMEMBER THAT INTIMACY ISN'T JUST ABOUT SEX.
    9 / 16 8. REMEMBER THAT INTIMACY ISN'T JUST ABOUT SEX.

    “The most important intimate moments are those that happen outside of the bedroom. Reaching your arms around your partner’s waist and giving a squeeze when he or she is working away in the kitchen or around the house is very endearing. Holding hands while you are walking into a store or going out for a stroll together in the park is a bonding experience. There are countless ways to be intimate, and most of them aren’t sexual.” — Julie Burton, Minnetonka, MN, married for 25 years

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  • 9. GET AWAY FROM IT ALL
    10 / 16 9. GET AWAY FROM IT ALL

    “My husband and I make an effort to weave fun and excitement into our relationship, sometimes by going on overnights to hotels in neighboring cities. We call these ‘sexcations.’ It’s really amazing to take a break from the stress of life and reconnect without any distractions.” — Midori Verity, Sonoma, CA, married for 24 years

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  • 10. TRY ROLE PLAYING
    11 / 16 10. TRY ROLE PLAYING

    “Sometimes I’m the wife. Sometimes I’m the girlfriend. Sometimes I’m the mistress. It gets me out of my head—it’s hard to stop focusing on being a mom, thinking about work, or going over my to-do list—and lets me indulge in my sexual self. Truth be told, I often like being the girlfriend and mistress better; she’s way more fun!” — Julie Kaminski*, Hunterdon, NJ, married for 26 years

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  • 11. LET THINGS GO.
    12 / 16 11. LET THINGS GO.

    “My husband and I have struggled with our marriage and sex life, but we turned it around. After working through many issues, we made a conscious decision to drop whatever remaining baggage we had and stay in the present, rather than keep rehashing things that previously went wrong. I think of it as ‘sandblasting’ our relationship and sex life back down to the basics, and it’s allowed us to simply revel in the moment, enjoy each other, and have some fun. At some point you have to leave the past in the past. Life is too short to do otherwise.” — Christina Veal, Wayland, MA, married for 28 years

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  • 12. RESPECT EACH OTHER.
    13 / 16 12. RESPECT EACH OTHER.

    “Once you treat your spouse with compassion, respect, and love, and your relationship gets on solid ground, then you can explore each other’s sexual needs from a place of trust and acceptance. It sounds trite, but it’s true. You have to get rid of all the BS to get to a really great place in your relationship, and then the sex gets really awesome.”  — Martha Jones*, Bear, DE, married for 24 years

     

     

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  • 13. PAY ATTENTION.
    14 / 16 13. PAY ATTENTION.

    “One big thing that has helped to keep our relationship exciting is not multitasking when talking with each other. When you’re completely focused on what the other person is saying, the bond between spouses becomes very energized.” — Bracha Goetz, Baltimore, MD, married for 38 years

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  • 14. CELEBRATE EACH OTHER OFTEN.
    15 / 16 14. CELEBRATE EACH OTHER OFTEN.

    “We celebrate our wedding anniversary on the 22nd of every month, not just once a year. That’s one small part of keeping the relationship alive. And we focus as much on our relationship as we do on our sex life, because without love and respect sex becomes function and not very rewarding!” — Brian Taylor, Auckland, New Zealand, married for 24 years

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  • 15.  HEAT THINGS WAY UP.
    16 / 16 15. HEAT THINGS WAY UP.

    “For a long time my wife showed a lack of interest in sex. In order to regain her interest, I decided we needed to branch out. I researched some new techniques, and it’s made a huge difference. The combination things we’re now doing in bed have not only re-energized our sex lives, but it has led to her having multiple orgasms.” — Tom Roberts, NJ, married for 46 years

    *Name has been changed.

    By Lambeth Hochwald 

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