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6 Mistakes You Make In Bed – And What You Should Do Instead

  • Ditch: Sex is a race
    1 / 6 Ditch: Sex is a race

    Try: Explore her. Focus on her thighs and lower belly. Make a mental circle of 5cm in diameter around the outside of her vagina, and don’t cross the line while you kiss, lick, and caress, says Gloria Brame, PhD, author of Different Loving. You’ll ignite her nerve endings and bring her closer to her red zone. It makes sex a process of discovery; not some destination. “Goal-oriented sex isn’t sexy,” Dr Brame says.

    Related: 5 Things You Shouldn’t Mumble When She Wants To Make Babies

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  • Ditch: Same time, same place
    2 / 6 Ditch: Same time, same place

    Try:Relive the past. Take her up Mount Faber and reclaim the space you ceded long ago: Seduce her in the backseat of the car. It feels a little public, it’s steeped in testosterone, and there’s a throwback, new-couple quality to it. Make it a quickie, which has its place in the sexual diet; having lots of sex begets more sex, because you stay connected, says Laura Berman, PhD, director of the Berman Center in Chicago.

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  • Ditch: Predictable foreplay
    3 / 6 Ditch: Predictable foreplay

    Try: Work out together. Think of it as fat-burning foreplay. It will raise her dopamine levels, easing her anxieties. “She’ll feel that the sex is about her and not some random need she has to accommodate,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a professor of sociology at Washington University. Bonus: Your post-run sweat has androstadienone, a testosterone derivative that spikes her arousal when she smells it.

    Related: How To Get Your Wife To Wear Sexy Lingerie

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  • Ditch: Lopsided first moves
    4 / 6 Ditch: Lopsided first moves

    New spin: Tie her hands. It’s now up to her to figure out how to remove your shirt, tie, cuff links, and pants. You’ll share a few laughs and marvel at her ingenuity. Whether you tie her up or she binds you, the game will break your predictable, first move habits. The bonus: “It acts as an automatic foreplay extender,” says Dr Berman. 

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  • Ditch: TV, then sex
    5 / 6 Ditch: TV, then sex

    Try: Read to her. It doesn’t have to be erotica. It’s an intimate activity that makes her focus on your voice. The deeper, the better. Low voices are a sign of high testosterone, which ups her attraction to you, according to a Scottish study. Read to her while lying in bed with your head up, to dip an octave; it forces you to push air with your diaphragm instead of your lungs.

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  • Ditch: Habitual hand-holding
    6 / 6 Ditch: Habitual hand-holding

    Try: Caress her neck. Sure, holding hands can work as an aphrodisiac: It shows her you’re devoted and proud to tell the world. But after a while, its poignancy wanes. A stepped-up PDA will deepen her connection to you, so she’ll be more willing to really give herself to you in the bedroom, says Prof Schwartz.

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