Take Responsibility, Guys!

By Faye Mui

Of late, I've been rather disturbed by the fact that a number of men around me are not quite with it. Allow me to recount one instance. I was recently invited to an event where one of my buddies, Eddie, was receiving an award for glowing achievements in his field. As I made my way to the black-tie function, he rang.

Eddie: Hey, what do you call people who have helped you?

Me: Erm, a good Samaritan?

Eddie: Hmm, not really. You know, like someone who really taught and helped you in  your career?

Me: You mean a mentor?

Eddie: Yeah! That’s the word I was looking for!

Me: Why are you asking? Where are you now?

Eddie: I’m on my way. I’m thinking about my acceptance speech.

Me: You haven’t done your speech?! What do you mean thinking?

Eddie: Relax... chill!

Half an hour later, I stood beside a very relaxed Eddie at the ballroom reception as he schmoozed with the who’s who. I nudged him. “Eh, did you finish thinking about your  speech?” My sarcasm was lost on Eddie. “Almost. It’s okay, my speech only comes at the  end,” he replied. There was nary a whiff of panic. Five minutes before he got behind the podium to address the 800 guests, he was still coolly asking me for nouns, verbs and  adjectives.

When the night was over and Eddie asked how he did up on stage, I deadpanned that it  was a “well-thought” speech. He is a dear friend, but also one who felt nothing about 800 people responding blankly to his jokes, coughing at his awkward pauses and not quite  making sense of his incoherent lapses.

What puzzled me was not Eddie’s lack of shame. Having known him since school, I  knew he could definitely have done better. I couldn’t understand why someone as capable as him just couldn’t be bothered to be better prepped for such a significant moment in his career.  On the other hand, I know of female friends who would have prepared their  speeches at least a week in advance and neatly scribble it on cue cards. They would never allow  themselves to be caught having stage fright with 800 people watching.

It led me to think – is it just a matter of character or is it really that men just can’t get their act together? Why is it so hard for men to get with it — to shoulder the  responsibility and do what is needed? Have we spiralled so far off since Adam let Eve call the shots and she decided he should have fruit for dinner? So much so that men no longer want to be masters of the universe, or even just be able to think on their own and get their lives in order? It’s not so much a call to reverse the history of creation and the fall, or even badgering men to reclaim their egos and let loose their chauvinism, as much as it is pleading with them to “Just Do It” like Nike tells us.

Because when it comes to the real “important” things in life like gathering the blokes for beer and the football finals, men never need a shove to get going. They get the logistics down pat – the time of the  match (time zones are never confused here), the usual suspects will always turn up rain or shine, someone’s got the booze, another has the junk food – and they can all spot an offside better than the referee and cuss on cue.

This all leads me to conclude that it’s not  a matter of men not being able to do it, but not wanting to do it.

My advice is the next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re expected to be the man and take the lead — whether in the meeting room or living room — and you feel like running away, don’t even think about it. Stick with the programme and do it. Because if you’re unable to rise to the occasion, chances are women will think you’re equally inept in the bedroom.  Now, how terrible would that be?

Tags: Sex Relationships, Her Say, women. advice, Dating, Relationship, Sex,

advertisement