She's Not That Into You

By Faye Mui

I've finally figured it out. All these years we’ve thought that women sent mixed signals and confused the men. But here comes the real revelation. Women do send the right signals, especially when it comes to indifference. You’ll never find a girl asking for a guy’s number if she isn’t the least interested. 

What’s more, when women do make their lack of interest known, the men don’t want to geddit. Because somehow, somewhere, someone told them that persistence pays, so they’re holding out like they do in the financial crisis for that elusive windfall.

Guys, the sooner you accept reality, the faster you can divert your energies elsewhere. Here’s a quick guide to the ways women show they’re not all that into you.


You’ve met her many times before and on the latest occasion, she still draws a blank. Either she has a really bad memory (in which case you should then question your taste in women) or you obviously didn’t have her at “hello”. And you probably never will. Let it go. Her soulmate is Edison Chen, not you.


If you ask her: “What are you up to today?” and she replies: “Why?”, it’s because she doesn’t dig you, not because she’s trying to be coy or playing hard to get (in which case she’ll give a flirty “Why? Are you hoping to hang out?”). The curt “Why?” really means: “You’re a pest. Buzz off!”

Should you be the unlucky recipient of the woeful “Why?”, you have a few options to back a hasty retreat. You could reply with a nonchalant “I’m rounding up some friends for (insert preferred activity) and thought you might like to join us” if you want to let it slide. The point is to sound like you didn’t mean for it to be a one-on-one date anyway.


If you haven’t learnt your lesson and still want to bravely venture into other modes of communication – e-mail, SMS or MSN – the signs aren’t hard to read either. When you Superpoke her on Facebook, she doesn’t reciprocate with a “fling a thong” but “fling a filing cabinet” followed by a “trout slap”.

Other clues to look out for are monosyllabic answers and an air of detachment. For the relentless, if you hear nothing back after flooding her inbox, please, please, don’t even ask: “You there?” You’ll look pathetic.


Let’s say you managed to wrangle a date. But every time you shave that month-old  stubble and slap on the cologne, she rings on cue and throws you an excuse – her rabbit’s sick, her dog’s constipated, her fish’s moody. Of course, I’m not dismissing the genuine possibility of any of that happening. But by the time she gets to the 300th time, you should know she’s one of those girls who just can’t say “no”.

Those of you up for a challenge can play along and see who buckles from the inanity first. But be warned, some can weave excuses involving a never-ending list of inanimate objects.


Her running away from you can manifest in different forms – from walking in the opposite direction when she sees you to dissipating into thin air.

Let’s say you’ve progressed into a relationship and you’re ready to commit. But every time you make your intentions known, you feel like you’re doing the tango and it’s not her preferred mating dance.

You talk about the future; she says she lives in the now. You suggest buying property together; she asks what’s wrong with having your own separate, private spaces. Time for a serious reality check.


Now if she can get any more blatant than this, she would. She’s taken the step to make it overtly clear, so you should nobly go: “I respect that.” No buts, no whys, no name-calling. And no matter how tempting and natural it is for you, never ever walk off with this parting shot: “We can still be friends and keep in touch. I’ll call you?” 


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