What women really want in bed is ever-evolving, and it may be tough for men to fully understand what women really enjoy most during intercourse. So, to help you better comprehend the workings of your babe’s mind when she’s under the sheets with you, we turn to the language of science – a lingo that men are most familiar with. Here, we combed through the latest research surveys and journals, and spoke to numerous sex experts and doctors, to find out what exactly women want – and the ways for men to deliver.
1. Pleasure Begins With Her Mind
Working a woman’s body towards orgasm starts with the mind. Women who have a positive opinion about their genitals find it easier to achieve orgasm, says a study published in the International Journal Of Sexual Health.
Do This You may have your preferences when it comes to women’s genital size, shape and appearance, but it’s best to say something positive and keep negative remarks to yourself. “When women feel more positively about their genitals, they’ll likely feel more relaxed in their own skin, more able to let go and, thus, more likely to experience pleasure and orgasm,” says study author Debby Herbenick, PhD, associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University in the US.
2. Seal It With A Kiss
Only one in 10 women would have sex without kissing their men first. Kissing is important for women in having a satisfying sexual experience, says a study by Susan Hughes, PhD, from Albright College in the US, who concludes that the fairer sex evaluate potential partners and monitor the progress of their relationships through kissing. “It tells her you understand how to be subtle, no matter where you are on her body,” says Anne Hooper, co-author of 269 Amazing Sex Tips And Tricks For Men.
Do This Tease and gently nibble these two areas: the central ridge of her upper lip and the tip of her tongue. Gently nibbling the middle of the upper lip releases oxytocin, the same hormone unleashed during her orgasms, says Helen Fisher, PhD, an anthropologist at Rutgers University in the US. Nerves at the tip of the tongue release the arousal-inducing neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine when stimulated.
3. Sex Toys Are Your Friend
Using sexual aids facilitates sexual function. It improves desire, arousal, lubrication and ease of orgasm, and reduces pain, shows a study published in the Journal Of Sexual Medicine. “The study about women’s vibrator use affirms what many doctors and therapists have known for decades – that it is common, and linked to positive sexual function such as desire and ease of orgasm,” said Herbenick.
Do This “Rear entry (doggie-style) is ideal for vibrator play, as there’s plenty of room between her body and the bed if she’s on all fours. Either of you can hold a small vibrator, such as the Silver Bullet, to her clitoris in this position,” says Herbenick.
4. Focus On Her Breasts
More than 70 per cent of women prefer the woman-on-top position because it shows off their breasts better during sex. And 62 per cent think it’s more exciting to pull off their tops than their bottoms, according to our survey of 735 women.
Do This “Use your whole hand and focus on the entire breast,” says psychologist and sex therapist Linda De Villers. Cup and lift them to enhance her cleavage. “It can be a turn-on for her just to look down and think: ‘Mmm, that’s sexy!’ ” says De Villers.
5. Apply Lubricant
Using a lubricant makes sex more delightful and comfortable for women, according to a study conducted by Herbenick. Over 70 per cent of the 2,453 women aged between 18 and 68 in the study indicated that lubricants improved their sexual experiences. The comfort of reduced friction makes it easier for women to reach orgasm, says Herbenick.
Do This “It can be a sexy, fun part of foreplay,” says Herbenick. “I often recommend that partners apply lubricant to each other’s genitals.”
6. Try New Positions
The more variation on the sex acts (including oral sex, intercourse, manual stimulation and others), the more likely women are to reach orgasm, found a US survey of 3,990 female respondents. More than half reached orgasm in their most recent sexual encounter when they engaged in only one sex act; 78 per cent did so when engaged in three acts; and all climaxed when engaged in six acts.
Do This Try a variety of acts and take your time. “For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than just either one of them. This may be because more sex acts means that people spend more time having sex,” says Herbenick.
7. Bond With Her After Sex
Women are more likely to want to engage in intimate, bonding behaviours – such as talking, kissing, cuddling and caressing, professing their love for their partner and talking about the relationship – following the act of mating than men, regardless of whether they’re in a long- or short-term relationship, says a study in the Journal Of Sex Research.
Do This Maintain physical contact by kissing, cuddling and holding her hand. “Even just taking her hand or laying yours on her stomach is enough to make the point,” says US-based sex therapist Sandor Gardos, PhD.