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Should you tell your partner about your past misadventures? When it comes to secrets, here's what most women say they want to know ASAP: anything involving infidelity (63 per cent), any health problems (77), debt or other financial issues (64), and a criminal record (75). Before you open up and spill the beans, here are the rules to consider, lest you end up damaging your relationship.
1. Consider your motives.
Are you telling her out of spite? If so, keep the secret to yourself. But if you’re genuinely concerned about the secret, tell her. “As a general rule, tell a secret if you think it will strengthen the relationship, not hurt it,” says psychologist Tim Cole, PhD.
2. Confess.
Find a time when you’re both alone and your schedules are clear. Then say you’re having a problem and need her help to work through it, says Cole. That way, she won’t feel like she’s being put on the defensive. Encourage her to ask questions – and you’d better answer them all. She’ll be watching for signs that you’re holding back.
3. Talk it out.
Never come to her with a rehearsed answer to explain your behaviour. That’s only going to make you sound insincere, and she’ll feel she has no place in the conversation. Instead, work towards a solution together. “Your goal is to make it ‘Us versus the Problem,’” says Cole. She’s much more likely to forgive if you’re asking for her support. Tell her now!
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Women are cheating all over the place, nowadays! (Rita Ora, Kristen Stewart, Petraeus women, Givens/Pitt).
My latest book, "I Steal Wives: A serial adulterer reveals the REAL reasons more and more 'happily married' women are cheating" is a powerful look at this EXPLOSIVE topic of female infidelity. Research shows its not only on the rise, but rivals or EXCEEDS that of male cheating. And the REAL reasons aren't the typical blather you hear on talk-TV or read in the SECOND-HAND information of some psychologist's self-help book.
This book is the FIRST BOOK EVER WRITTEN on female infidelity from the FIRST-HAND experience of a serial adulterer, who cheated with the wives/girlfriends of over 25 married men (and a few women), and who also happens to be a therapist (never cheated with clients) and has an eye for patterns in behavior, but more importantly, the core beliefs that drive behavior! The deep and powerful insights of this book will startle women and scare the holy hell out of men! And here’s a tip: Cheating always, always, always boils down to the exact same reason at the core: FEAR!
"I Steal Wives" is a salacious, self-deprecating, at times funny, and penetratingly insightful look into what is now the very cutting-edge of relationships. It's the relationship version of "How to Secure Your House, as told by a professional burglar!" It will forever change how you do relationships and view life!
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Submitted by SvenErlandson on 10 December, 2012 - 08:36.
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