Q:

How do I cope with my girlfriend's nasty tantrums?

From a behavioural point of view, it is likely that she does this because she has learnt that it gets her what she wants. This may be rooted in issues with her childhood and possibly the way she was brought up. While this kind of behaviour is acceptable for young children, this may not necessarily be the best way for adults to behave. I suspect, however, that you have inadvertently been re-enforcing the behaviour by giving in to her.

Speak to her nicely about her behaviour and explain that for the relationship to continue working out, compromises have to be made and it’s about some give and take. I would also suggest that you stop giving in to her when she is being unreasonable, but you should also avoid getting angry and escalating the issue. I also wonder whether there may be problems such as depression or personality challenges that your girlfriend may be facing. If she is, she may need counselling or therapy, and this is something you may want to suggest to her. This may be particularly true if she had behaved similarly in previous relationships as well.

At best, you can advise and even cajole, but if she chooses to continue in her ways, you basically have got two choices. You have to decide if you can tolerate this abuse and just grin and bear it, especially if the other areas of the relationship make it worthwhile. However, no one should be subjected to abuse on a long-term basis, especially if this also extends to other parts of your relationship. Unless you are prepared to accept this, then it may be better for you to just move on.

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