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Her Say: Office Buaya? Don't Be Your protege is young, smart – and a babe. But hitting on her may be one of the worst moves of your career, says our female writer.
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If I have a headache, the first thing I would do would be to reach for two tablets of paracetamol, shut my eyes on the couch and not move. It’s not just that I’m trying to get some rest; keeping quiet is vastly preferable to bringing up my condition to the husband. For it could go something like this…
Me: This headache is killing me!
Him: Take some aspirin.
Me: I already took painkillers.
Him: How many tabs did you take? Don’t depend on drugs too much. (Note that it was him who suggested the aspirin.)
Me: (changing subject) It’s because of the heat and running around just now.
Him: No, it’s because you slept late yesterday. And you turned on the airconditioning. Air-con is bad for you…and me. My asthma acts up. Did you hear what I just said? Can you please say something?
So, in the space of less than a minute, he succeeds in chastising, mothering and lecturing me, only to aggravate my headache further. Don’t get me wrong: I love my man. But in certain situations where sanity is involved, I’ve learnt that honest communication can be slightly overrated.
Like many of his gender, my husband is typically regarded as laid-back and reserved, especially when compared to feisty girls like me. I would post indignant statuses on Facebook, blog about my daily suffering in a crowded train or verbally complain to him of being done wrong by an evil colleague or for accidentally leaving my iPhone at home.
His response would invariably be: “There’s nothing to do about it now, so why make a fuss?” This always gets my goat. Not because I disagree with him, but because of the cool audacity with which he pretends he would not have reacted similarly had the shoe been on the other foot. What is worse is that he wouldn’t stop there! Seeing me livid, he would then attempt to calm me down by offering more detailed reasons as to why getting upset would not solve the problem.
For another friend of mine, her main beef with her man is that he could be bitchier than the gals from Jerseylicious when he chooses. “Like the cast, it’s definitely not pretty when my boyfriend decides to go on a tirade of trash talk about the other members of his hip-hop crew because he thinks he is better than them,” she says.
Yet another friend takes issue with the fact that her fiance keeps contradicting himself when he is trying to tell her something. She gives an example: “He’d tell me to turn right when I’m driving, but at the last minute, he would say he meant left. Or he would claim he isn’t hungry and, in the same breath, demand we call for a pizza because he is starving.”
“But women are like that, too,” her boyfriend frequently argues. “And, in fact, probably more so.”
From what I’ve seen, heard and experienced, men are just as likely to nag us when we forget to turn off the computer, bad-mouth their basketball buddies and demand sleep and a hot meal at the same time. They also sulk when they are moody and pout when we don’t give them enough attention. I wouldn’t call these traits “pansy”, even though there is a significant degree of unmanliness in this sort of behaviour. The same qualities are definitely unattractive in women as well, and are as likely to cause friction in a relationship.
So, surprise: Both parties are guilty! Of being human, having faults and not being at our best, especially when we have been dating or married for a long time. What I find works is when I take pains to be aware of how I react to him. After all, our partner is, in most ways, a perfect mirror: We tend to pick out the traits in him that we find worst in ourselves. So when I stop nagging, he stops; when I shut my trap, he talks less trash. Basically, be the change you want to see in your partner. (Sorry, Gandhi.)
And when all else fails, I choose to take the light-hearted route. “You’re nagging, again.” I’d singsong and change the subject. Or, if I realise that said discussion means that much to him, I’d bite the bullet, look earnest and nod solemnly. It helps to move things along when you’re running late for a movie.
MH Woman: Jamie Yeo Jamie Yeo talks about her return to radio as part of the new Power 98FM line-up, and shares a few tips on how couples can keep the spark alive in their relationship.
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If I have a headache, the first thing I would do would be to reach for two tablets of paracetamol, shut my eyes on the couch and not move. It’s not just that I’m trying to get some rest; keeping quiet is vastly preferable to bringing up my condition to the husband. For it could go something like this…
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