Rise Up From Your Break-Up

GirlMake a clean break

Forget about being friends. “While some couples can break up and remainin contact, it’s rare, and planting that idea during a break-up canlead one of you to lose even more,” says Les Parrott, author of Love Talk.

Do this Tell her you both need to move on, or that you’ll need a few months to heal. The emotional divorce is crucial at this point.

Book into “she-tox”

Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress and anxiety after break-ups than women do. It’s important not to cave in. To ensure that there’s no contact of any kind, you’ll need to make a few technical adjustments.

Do this Delete her number from your mobile phone, add here-mail address to your spam list and declare any location you used to frequent together as a no-go zone.

Recall your reasons

When you start to feel nostalgic about the good times, don’t slip and call/SMS/e-mail her. “Instead, review in your mind why the relationship didn’t work,” says Elayne Savage, author of Breathing Room: CreatingSpace to be a Couple.

Do this Write down all her annoying habits that drove you round the twist and remember the bad rows you had. Keep the list near thephone to combat any urges to call her.

Work on your strengths

Even if you hated her cats and her friends, it’ll take more than a night of shots to get an ex out of your system. “Men often need longer than women to recover from a break-up,” says Nancy Darling, a professor of family studies at Bard College in New York.

Do this “Do the things you’re good at,” says Prof Darling. Change the decor of your flat or immerse yourself in that website idea; anything to remind you of your skills and talents.

Maintain momentum

Splitting time is for re-evaluating and rebuilding, so find new things to do. Pizza and crying are not activities, and porn is not something you should turn to either. “Focus on what thrills you,” says Francisco Bujan, author of How to Get Your Power Back After She Breaks Up.

Do this Join a gym or get back in with the five-aside football team at work. Make plans with your friends that will force you to leave your home at least three times a week.

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