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Rejection is part and parcel of the dating game but what if the tables were turned and you are the one doing the rejection? Maybe she’s not your type, you don’t see her that way or you’re simply not interested; you might have to turn down a woman’s advances one day.
The problem is; you’re flattered she’s actually interested so how do you turn her down without coming off as a douchebag? Men's Health surveyed our network of women to find out if there's a way to let her down easy. Thankfully, there is.
Almost all the women we asked agreed that being upfront about your feelings is the way to go. There’s no way around this that isn’t going to end up hurting her feelings, says Lili, online writer. She suggests a guy to “Just tell her directly that he only wants to remain as friends and that he doesn’t wish his rejection would change anything – even though it will – because he truly cherishes their friendship.”
Obviously, this is harder than it sounds. There's going to be a lot of pain and hurt to the girl's pride, says Vanessa, 24. So be honest, but not brutally honest, cautions Lynn, 30. She says, “Don’t say stuff like I don’t like you because you’re not pretty enough, even if that’s the truth. Just say that you don’t feel the same way.”
Tell Her In Person
While email offers the freedom of expression from a safe distance, most of the women agreed that telling the girl in person is probably the best route to explain your rejection. Explains Maninder, PR consultant, “There’s nothing worse than letting a person down through SMS or MSN.” But you should be ready for any possible fallout like crying, tantrums and other public displays of anger and embarrassment.
Maninder adds, "The guy needs to pray that she is strong and mature enough to take the rejection in good stride and still be able to remain friends." Just don't buckle under the pressure, says Lili. If the girl can't get over the fact that the love of her life has become the scourge of her existence, then back off. Lili suggests, "What a guy can do is to let her know that he's going to give her some space until she calms down and maybe follow up with an SMS to tell her he still wants to be friends. And tell her she should contact him when she's ready."
Keep The Distance
Avoiding her or ignoring her is another way to give her a big hint that you’re not keen. Sales manager, Lyn, says, “He shouldn’t give any reason to mistake any actions as signs of interest. That means kindly rejecting all calls or outings with her.” If you're really not interested, then don't be too friendly as that will be leading her on, says Vanessa.
Deborah, 25, suggests you make your lack of interest obvious through body language, especially when she tries to get too close like brushing your hand when walking side by side or if she’s exhibiting any other girlfriend behaviour. Short of running away, just maintain some space between you and her to remind her of that invisible wall. “Most girls will be able to tell from that,” says Deborah.
Don’t Make It Worse
What you want to do is make a clean break and not plant any seeds of hope in her hearts that the two of you still have a chance together. Saying things like “I’d have gone after you if not for so-and-so” in hopes of lessening the damage will only worsen the situation, says Lili.
Offer To Remain Friends
If you're already friends, then this is no reason to break up your friendship. Lynn's opinion is that "If the two are friends before, then it's definitely much easier to be friends after this episode." But it's definitely embarrassing for both parties. The chances of you remaining friends might be slim, cautions Maninder. "Hopefully, she is one of them girls who appreciate honesty," she says. Ultimately, whether or not the two of you remain friends relies on the girl and how gently you let her down.