Don't Argue To Win

Lovers’ tiffs are all part and parcel of being in a relationship. Couples can fight over the silliest and smallest things like leaving the toilet seat up; but there's also the serious stuff too such as managing finances and jealousy issues. As long as you’re fighting constructively and fairly, your relationship will likely stay unharmed. In fact, it could even make it stronger.

According to advice from US-based relationship guru Dr Phil McGraw: “How you argue – especially how you end an argument – can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship.” “Disagreements are going to occur,” says Dr McGraw. “The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control? You’ll never win if you do that. If you make your romantic relationship a competition, it means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It’s not a competition – it’s a partnership.” Bear the following points in mind the next time you argue with your partner.


If you want to fight fairly, never bring up the past. By all means, don’t go running to the closet to look for all those skeletons to get back at your loved one. Stick to the current argument. Isolate the issue and resolve it without digging into old wounds and past hurts. What happened in the past, stays in the past.


Nothing says abuse louder than raising your fist or using physical intimidation to win an argument with your other half. Shoving and pushing  are all bully tactics.  The same goes for other kinds of abuse – emotional, verbal and mental. Don’t resort to name- calling midway through an argument, or hitting below the belt by demeaning your  partner’s actions and words. Be mature and focused in making your points. 

Popular talk show host Oprah Winfrey warned viewers in the episode where the abuse between celebrities Chris Brown and Rihanna was discussed: “Love doesn’t hurt... If a man hits you once, he will hit you again.” If you have a history of inflicting physical abuse, seek counselling to get over your anger or conflict management issues. It’s a cardinal rule that you never, ever raise your fist at a lady.

Next: Wait 24 hours before addressing the issue

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