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Seduction begins above the shoulders, so her satisfaction may depend on the attention you pay to her mind. Even the pinnacle of sex, the orgasm, can be a cognitive process that's separate from erotic or sexual context, says Barry Komisaruk, PhD, co-author of The Science of Orgasm. Here are some brainy ways to arouse her.
1. Write A Sexual Script
Co-author an erotic story by text-messaging episodes to each other. As you end your episode with a sexual cliffhanger, she picks up the tale. A 2006 study showed that fertile women looking for casual sex found men with creative intelligence more desirable than men with money. So ditch the primal phrases (“I want you so bad!”) and use your imagination. Women are also tired of typo-ridden booty calls, says sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD. “It’s a novel turn-on if you can articulate your passion in a way that engages her.”
Brain Effect: One study found that women have more grey matter dedicated to language than men. “Anything that plays to her inherent strengths and puts her in the role of director is always going to be hot for her,” Fulbright says.
The Key: Leave your first message open-ended, such as “What would you do if . . .” When you’re alone together later, play out your script.
2. Watch And Learn
Indie or foreign films are often candid about sex ¬– it’s stealth porn. The artsy context will nullify her inhibitions. See the Independent Film Channel’s 50 Greatest Sex Scenes in Cinema at ifc.com. (Try 9 Songs or Y Tu Mamá También.)
Brain Effect: “You need to turn off her amygdale – the fear and anxiety part of her brain,” says Fulbright. “A relaxed mind and body allows her sexual response to kick in more fluidly.” Women’s brains quickly respond to erotically charged images, one study found. Emotion helps, too. Levels of oxytocin, the chemical that kindles trust and bonding, rise in women after they watch romantic movie clips with supportive husbands or boyfriends, according to University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill researchers.
The Key: Don’t be passive. When a hot scene ends, ask her what she’d do differently if she were directing, and volunteer to be the male lead.
3. Solve The Sex Puzzle
While lounging with the Sunday paper, propose a race to see who can finish a puzzle first. The winner gets a sexual favour.
Brain Effect: Dopamine, one of the neurotransmitters behind arousal, is activated by a reward. “Getting her excited in nonsexual ways will translate to a higher likelihood of sexual arousal,” says Dr Daniel Amen, the author of Sex on the Brain.
The Key: There should be plenty of playful touching and caressing so you’re both worked up. Nix the trash talking and the victory dance, too. A little competition is good, but a lot can be a turn-off.
4. Set A Musical Mood
Covertly load a specially chosen playlist onto her mp3 player.
Brain Effect: Certain brain regions fire up before sex, and a study found that similar ones become active if she connects emotionally to the tunes. “For women, foreplay is everything that happens in the 24 hours preceding sex,” says Dr Louann Brizendine, a neuropsychiatrist at the University of California at San Francisco and author of The Female Brain. “Your goal is to build a context for sex.”
The Key: Upbeat songs that are harmonious can activate the pleasure centre of her limbic system, a McGill University study found. Organise your songs to mimic the stages of arousal, from playful to passionate to intense.