by Yu-Kym Loh
If you think the only thing on our minds while you’re making out with us for the first time is whether your manhood is impressive, you couldn’t be farther from the truth. Says US-based sex therapist Sandor Gardos, PhD: “Women see sex not only as a physical connection but a very important emotional one, too.” So, here’s how to focus on her wants and needs – to build an emotional connection so strong, it’ll blow her mind.
1. Create The Right Atmosphere
What She Wants: Romantic fun.
We all need the right setting to get in the mood for sex. When it comes to first-time sex, it’s always safer to stick to a private and romantic theme. Consider booking a room at a standard hotel instead of a budget one. If you’re planning on inviting her to your place, ensure that you have fresh sheets on the bed, no dirty underwear lying around, and a clean toilet. According to a US survey, more than 60 per cent of women said a clean bathroom is important.
Hot Tip: Do something unusual, such as serenading her with a love song, showing a card trick or reading a poem. It will help create the right mood – and impress her at the same time.
2. Be Patient
What She Wants: A man who understands her needs and wants.
Each woman is different, so some trial and error might be required to find out what turns her on. Read her body language. If she brings her body closer to you and moans during sex, it’s clear she’s enjoying it. If she tenses up, turns slightly away from you or pushes your hand away, retreat into what she was comfortable with earlier. Spend more time doing what she enjoys instead of rushing in for the kill. “Make it a teasing game. Always touch her most sensitive parts last,” suggests Jennifer Worick, author of Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating And Sex.
Hot Tip: Caress her entire body instead of paying attention only to certain parts.
3. Use Your Hands And Tongue
What She Wants: To feel good.
Use your fingers, palm and tongue on the clitoris. Only 50 per cent of women who had vaginal intercourse had an orgasm in the last sexual encounter, while 90 per cent who received manual and oral stimulation did, according to a study published in the Journal Of Sex Research. But even if she’s unable to orgasm, it does not mean she’s unsatisfied. “More importantly, he has to be gentle, passionate and tuned in to what makes her feel good,” says Amber Madison, author of Hooking Up: A Girl’s All-Out Guide To Sex And Sexuality.
Hot Tip: Make eye contact to deepen your level of intimacy.
4. Pleasure Her First
What She Wants: A man who’s generous enough to put her needs first.
According to a US survey of more than 2,500 women, nearly 40 per cent said they desired at least 10 to 20 minutes of intercourse. It is considered common courtesy for men to allow women to have their orgasms first before men have theirs.
Hot Tip: Change position or pause to ask her whether she is feeling all right – to create breaks that would help you to last longer.
5. Cuddle (Yes, That's Mandatory)
What She Wants: Cuddly connection.
Physical contact immediately following your orgasm is important. More than 50 per cent of women say they want about 20 minutes of cuddling, or for their men to stay awake for some conversation after sex. Develop a sense of closeness by maintaining physical contact, such as putting your hand around her waist or holding her hand, making eye contact and giving a parting kiss.
Hot Tip: Share embarrassing stories about yourselves after sex. After all, there’s no longer any reason to feel embarrassed when you’ve already seen each other naked.
6. Follow Up Before You Leave
What She Wants: A man who’s filled with passion for her.
Forget playing it cool. Fix a date before both of you part. In a US survey, 59 per cent of women said they preferred a phone call the next day, not a less personal e-mail or text. “Women equate the time it takes you to pick up the phone with your level of interest,” adds Madison. “The sooner you call, the more sparks you felt.”
Hot Tip: Give her a surprise gift. It shows you’re thinking about her even when you’re apart.