[Contrary to popular belief, Men's Health staffers aren't all serial bench pressers and organic carrot chompers. Except for the times we need to audition female models for our photo shoots, we usually lead regular-guy lives, doing all the things that guys want/have to do. In this new MH Editorial Blog, we'll write about all the things that matter to guys… stuff you can relate to. In other words, we won't be detailing what goes on at those female model auditions. We promise.]
All these newspaper reports of Singapore’s rising divorce rate have got me thinking: Have we lost sight of what it means to stay committed? Has love taken a backseat to ‘practicality’ and the daily grind? Has life made people so cynical they throw in the towel without realising it is only constant effort and sacrifice that will reap them the rewards at the end of the day? Maybe it’s too much of a bother when fiscal gains are more immediately gratifying?
Nobody is perfect – I myself am far from a ‘love guru’ and the perfect boyfriend. I may make mistakes and fail time and again, but I keep trying. To me, the measure of a man is gauged by how dedicated he stays to his partner and his ability to rise above adversity and fight on. To borrow a line from Dr Thomas Wayne: “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again.”
I watched this BBC DVD last night; it featured a reptile called the Australian Sleepy Lizard – so called because it moves really slowly – which lives in the Outback. This lizard mates for life and has been observed by scientists (who tag and track them) to stick to the same partner for over 20 years: the pair rambles along everywhere together. If by mishap one is run over by a car when crossing a road (they do move really slowly after all), the one still alive stays beside the body of its dead mate for days, gently nudging it every so often as if to will it back to life. You could even say it is grieving. I find that extraordinary for a cold-blooded reptile.
You may scoff and argue that animals are more simplistic than humans and incapable of sophisticated thought, merely following their instincts blindly. But if a creature like the Sleepy Lizard (which is supposed to be ‘wilder’ and less evolved in the first place) can display such devotion, are we warm-blooded humans (and evidently more intelligent) not capable of so much more?
One thing I’ve learned is that professions of love are of little consequence if they are not followed through with action, which is perhaps why so many relationships break down. Women have little patience for men who make empty promises and in whom they don’t see any improvement at all. I confess that I’ve kept some promises to my significant other, but not all. I intend to, though. I may be slow, but I still want to be a better man each and every day because having met her, I cannot now picture a life without her.
Guys, at the end of the day, you have the power to decide if your relationship sinks or swims. If you’ve found someone truly wonderful (as I have), then do all you can to be true and stay the course come what may. You’ll not only find your love life supremely rewarding; your physical and mental health and your work performance will also improve.
I for one am determined to do all it takes to keep my love boat afloat for a long time yet. Why? Call me naïve, but it’s simple: It’s because I love my partner more than I love myself. - RYAN REUBEN
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